Not
to be phased he rushed over and yelled, “Oi, put it back!” the sound of the
traffic deafened his cries. “Alright, you can borrow it, but bring it back
within the hour.” with that he stormed off.
“Do
anything for you would Dave.”
“My
brother’s friend had a Honda 50 once…” and on she whined. Basically, this
monster from Essex wanted to stay the night, dossing in reception, rather than
pay the necessary to have the comfort of a top class bunk. Her tactic was to
bore us to death so that the pity factor kicked in.
She
opened her handbag and pulled out some postcards for her wonderfully exciting
family. While she wrote I stood outside of the reception lounge and gradually
turned the dimmer switch lower- one degree every minute. Her face moved closer
and closer to the cards as she struggled to see.
google image
“Could
you turn the lights up please?” she asked cluelessly.
“Impossible,
weakness on the national grid. Same all over the country.” Dave said with an
air of authority.
“Put
your arms in the air like this.” I said raising my arms.
“What
will that do?”
“Well
they do say many hands make light work.”
“Do
they?”
Ok,
it was not the best joke in the world but she did not even get it.
“Also,
it will take the smell away from your breath.” That was harsh from Dave.
He
whispered to me, “I’ve got to get rid of her; she’s getting on me plaster
(backside).
In
a second Dave pulled a small canister from his pocket and motioned me outside.
He sprayed the CS gas above her head and said, “Insects.” As we left for the
balcony. She coughed and spluttered a bit as we had pulled the doors closed and
leant against them to bar access and then moved away. She fell between us as
her eyes streamed.
google image
“Now
you know how a mosquito feels.”
“Look
Dave, he brought your bike back.”
“Cheers
mate, any time.”
“Hi
Bobby.” a voice yelled from below.
“Good
evening Richard.” I replied. “How art thou?”
“Ooooh,
you sound so sexy.” as he trolled off.
